i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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