omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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