I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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