my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
