I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
