We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
