I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
