I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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