He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
