Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
