i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
