can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
