omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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