I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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