Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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