so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
