An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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