I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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