So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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