Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
