Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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