Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
