I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
