his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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