I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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