oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
