So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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