were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
