better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
be right there i have to get my cape
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
