summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
