Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
