I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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