like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
