Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
