I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
