she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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