his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
