You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize