If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
