i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
