there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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