Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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