we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
