I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
A bitchslap is in order.
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