"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
