I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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