I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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