mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
