I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
