I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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