if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
