For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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