everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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