So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
