my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
