Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
