Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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