3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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