Say something about gay babies.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
