I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
