I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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