Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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