careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need a burrito and a hug.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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