Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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