dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
