I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
