I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
