im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
