I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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