I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
